Final Fantasy VIII April Fool's Day
by Haruhara Haruko
Summary: Balamb's Funniest Home Videos. Rubber McChicken burgers. Japanese chicks in hot tubs. o_O Enough said.
1. The Lottery Game

Welcome to the second remake of this awful fic. ^^ Don't you just love reading it again and again? Even if this is the first time you've seen it, try it anyway. I'm sure it's okay. ^_^ And yes, I know it's not currently April Fool's Day. But I bet you'd all love to know what goes on during that time at the Garden... :D Start reading already!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas and crap. Let that apply for the other chapters.  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER I --  
  
It was a hot day at the Garden. Squall was unfortunate enough to be crammed in his dorm with his 'friends'--Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, Zell, Seifer, and Irvine. Everyone was bored to hell.  
  
Squall: It's hot...  
  
Rinoa: You already said that.  
  
Quistis: Well, it IS hot!  
  
Rinoa: Oh great, now you're all going against me.  
  
Irvine: Woohoo!! Let's all kill Rinoa!  
  
Squall: *monotone* No. Please don't.  
  
Everyone except Squall and Seifer--who both don't give a damn--are now closing in on Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa: ...Ah, damn.  
  
Irvine: :D *whacks Rinoa with a pillow*  
  
Seifer: *sigh* Do you need help?  
  
Rinoa: No! I can take care of myself! *suddenly gets whacked with a pillow from behind* ... *falls over*  
  
Seifer: O.o *strikes his Gunblade*  
  
Everyone jumps back and stops pelting Rinoa with pillows.  
  
Zell: Damn, it's boring...  
  
Squall: Well, it wouldn't be if I had this set of awesome action figures...  
  
Squall is staring at an ad in 'Cid's Guide to @#$%ing' magazine. Rinoa looks over.  
  
Rinoa: *reading the ad* Now, you can have a @#$%ing collection of some @#$%ing action figures! Buy the whole @#$%ing crew of N*SYNC for only 10,000 gil! Homosexual Lance, Transvestite J.C., Bisexual Justin, Bulimic Joey, and Drag Queen Chris are included in each @#$%ing set!  
  
Everyone: O_o;;  
  
Rinoa: These suck.  
  
Squall: But I love N*SYNC!  
  
Everyone: ... *edge away from Squall*  
  
Rinoa: Anyway... It's April Fool's Day today!  
  
Quistis: Yeah, we should be playing pranks on each other!  
  
Squall: Nah. You all know I'm not the kind of person to be mean or childish to people.  
  
Everyone: ... *stare at Squall*  
  
Squall: What?  
  
Everyone: *continue to stare at Squall*  
  
Squall: ... *gets up and heads for the bathroom*  
  
Rinoa: Well, now that he's gone... We really should play a prank on him!  
  
Quistis: Hell, yeah!!  
  
Selphie: We need some fireworks and itching powder!  
  
Seifer: O.o Why are the women so enthusiastic about this??  
  
Quistis: Cause we hate Squall. *grin*  
  
Zell: Yeah, everyone hates Squall...  
  
Irvine: What are we waiting for? Let's go buy stuff!!  
  
Everyone leaves for the store. Squall walks out of the bathroom.  
  
Squall: Dammit, they've left. Ah well. *takes out a porn mag*  
  
Meanwhile, at the store...  
  
Rinoa: Hmm... We can use this in his clothes... *giggle*  
  
Quistis: *is imagining Squall with itching powder in his underwear* MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Everyone in the store: ... O_o  
  
Quistis: ...Sorry.  
  
Irvine: Hey, who's paying for this stuff?  
  
Selphie: I'm broke. Everyone at the McDonald's I used to work at got sued for using plastic instead of burger buns.  
  
Zell: Ah shit... *runs to the trash can to barf*  
  
Rinoa: I don't have money either... I was also working at that McDonald's and got fired for putting arsenic into the beef for the burgers.  
  
Zell: Dammit!! *barfs again*  
  
Quistis: I still have my job there. They haven't discovered that I was using bird crap instead of mayonnaise yet. *grin*  
  
Zell: Why does this always happen to me?... *barfs again*  
  
Seifer: O_o Anyway, who will pay for everything you're buying?!  
  
Selphie: The men, of course.  
  
Irvine: No way!  
  
Rinoa: Then we can't buy anything.  
  
Quistis: Dammit! I wanted to get revenge on Squall!  
  
Rinoa: Why, what'd he do?  
  
Quistis: Fall in love with you!  
  
Rinoa: AAAARGH!!!! DIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
Rinoa and Quistis start catfighting.  
  
Seifer: WOO!!! GO QUISTIS!!!!  
  
Irvine: *pouring olive oil onto Rinoa and Quistis* Hey Selphie, why don't you join them? *wink wink*  
  
Selphie: Ah shit. Here comes the manager.  
  
A few minutes later, the party is sitting outside.  
  
Rinoa: It's your fault you got us kicked out!  
  
Quistis: No, it's yours!!!  
  
Selphie: *sigh* Don't get us kicked off the street...  
  
Rinoa: Well, what do we do now?  
  
Seifer: Hey, look...  
  
Seifer points to a lottery card machine that's conveniently placed in the middle of the street.  
  
Irvine: What's so great about it?  
  
Seifer: We'll create a fake lottery card and give it to Squall! We'll have a fake lottery drawing tape to go along with it and once Squall sees the tape and scratches the card, he'll think he won! And then he'll think he can buy those action figures!  
  
Everyone: ...?  
  
Seifer: We'll create a fake lottery card and give it to Squall! We'll have a fake lottery drawing tape to go along with it and once Squall sees the tape and scratches the card, he'll think he won! And then he'll think he can buy those action figures!  
  
Everyone: Oh.  
  
Rinoa: Great idea! Let's go!  
  
Everyone heads off to Rinoa's dorm in the Garden. (Pretend she has a dorm.) A few minutes later, in Rinoa's dorm...  
  
Rinoa: Does this fake card I made look okay?  
  
Rinoa holds up a screwed up little sheet of paper with glue, that silver scratchy stuff, and messy writing all over.  
  
Selphie: Great! Squall will think it's real!  
  
Rinoa: *grin* I'm such a wonderful artist.  
  
Meanwhile, Seifer and Quistis are making the fake lottery drawing tape.  
  
Seifer: Okay, we need you to look disguised...  
  
Quistis sticks a fake mustache onto her face and grins.  
  
Seifer: That's perfect! *starts taping*  
  
Quistis: Welcome to the lottery drawing! Today we're giving away 10,000 gil! Our winning numbers are... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6! If that's the number on your lottery card, then congratulations! Call 123-4567 to claim your prize! Please ignore the fact that I used 5 exclamation marks in this sentence! Er, that makes 6.  
  
Seifer: Cut! *turns off camera*  
  
Quistis: *cheesy grin*  
  
Seifer: You can take off the mustache now.  
  
Quistis: No!  
  
Seifer: O_o *quickly runs away*  
  
A few hours later, in Squall's dorm... Rinoa knocks at the door. Squall opens it and tackles Rinoa.  
  
Squall: Why'd you leave meeeee?!?!  
  
Rinoa: *squished under Squall* Can't...breathe... *faints*  
  
Quistis: O.o Er... There was an emergency. Rinoa's dorm was burning down.  
  
Squall: But you didn't have to leave meee!!! Waaaaah!!!  
  
Irvine: O.o Squall, I have to speak to you in private.  
  
Squall: Okay.  
  
Irvine: In the bathroom.  
  
Squall: O.o Alrighty.  
  
Squall and Irvine head into the bathroom while Zell attempts to wake Rinoa.  
  
Quistis: Okay, now...  
  
Selphie inserts the fake lottery tape into the VCR. Meanwhile, with Squall and Irvine in the bathroom.  
  
Squall: So, what did you wanna tell me?  
  
Irvine: Uh... I forgot? *cheesy smile*  
  
Squall: Kay, whatever.  
  
Squall and Irvine come out.  
  
Rinoa: Squall, we feel bad for leaving you this morning. So, here's a gift.  
  
Squall: Oh, is it the--  
  
Rinoa hands Squall the lottery card.  
  
Squall: Oh... Thanks. ;_;  
  
Rinoa: *evil smile* I think the lottery drawing's on now. *turns on the tv*  
  
Strange things are shown on tv... Seifer and Quistis are making out in the secret area in the Training Center.  
  
Quistis: !!! Whose is this?!?!  
  
Selphie: Ah, dammit. Wrong tape.  
  
Zell: O.o Well, I was always wondering where Quistis and Seifer went off to during the FFVIII credits...  
  
Irvine: Well, now you know thanks to me and Selphie! We had to spend all night following those two. Here, fast forward a little and you'll see some unimaginable things.  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Selphie: . Irvine!!  
  
Quistis: You and Selphie did this?!?!  
  
Seifer: *eye twitches*  
  
Selphie quickly inserts another tape while Squall isn't watching.  
  
Rinoa: Ah, here's the lottery drawing.  
  
On tv...  
  
Quistis: Welcome to the lottery drawing! Today we're giving away 10,000 gil! Our winning numbers are... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6! If that's the number on your lottery card, then congratulations! Call 123-4567 to claim your prize! Please ignore the fact that I used 5 exclamation marks in this sentence! Er, that makes 6.  
  
Back to the team.  
  
Squall: I WON I WON I WON!!!!!!!! YATTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I can buy those action figures! ^-^  
  
Squall picks up the phone.  
  
Rinoa: Ah shit... Squall?  
  
Squall dials 123-45667. An automated machine picks up.  
  
Machine: Hello, welcome to Global Crossing!  
  
Squall: ...Global Crossing?! What the hell?!  
  
Rinoa: Sorry, but this was all a joke. Happy April Fool's Day, by the way! ^_^;;  
  
Squall: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: Dammit... HELP!!!  
  
Squall chases Rinoa around the room as everyone else sneaks out. Squall eventually crashes into a wall.  
  
Rinoa: Wow, what luck. *runs off*  
  
~*~  
  
I'm sorry it's so long. ^^;; Please review, I wanna hear what you think!!  
  
Thanks to my friend Sora for coming up with the N*SYNC things. ^_^ 


	2. Sweet Revenge

Welcome back! ^-^ Why is hardly anyone reading this??  
  
Tidus's Lil Angel; Thanks for the review. ^^ I did make a few fics for other holidays, they're the crappy 'Chaos!' series. -_-;; Not that great, but I worked pretty hard on them. ^^;;  
  
Pyra; Heh, yeah. What is this, the third time? O_o;;  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER II --  
  
Everyone except Squall is gathered at Rinoa's dorm.  
  
Rinoa: Damn, it's boring.  
  
Quistis: Yeah. That prank sucked.  
  
Selphie: Well, we could always play more on Squall.  
  
Zell: Hmm... Yeah, we could have a competition!!  
  
Irvine: Yeah, we could go against each other and see who can play the best trick on Squall!!  
  
Seifer: Great. We can all meet back here later.  
  
Everyone except Rinoa leaves to go shopping.  
  
Rinoa: Now for my masterpiece... MWUAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Rinoa takes out a lump of clay, some glue, and paint. O.o  
  
Meanwhile with Selphie at the mall...  
  
Selphie: Hey, fireworks for only 1,000 gil!!  
  
Selphie is staring at fireworks in the window of a Dairy Queen. That's right, DAIRY QUEEN. Beware, kids!!  
  
Selphie: But I only have 100 gil... DAMN YOU, MCDONALD'S!!!  
  
Selphie has a flashback. She's shown at a McDonald's, making food. She stuffs a pile of cow crap between two pieces of plastic and walks over to Zell, waiting for food.  
  
Selphie: Here you go! *hands the cow crap and plastic to Zell*  
  
Zell: Thanks! *takes a bite* Hmm... This tastes like cow crap and plastic...  
  
Selphie: Well, all our food is like that.  
  
Zell: Alrighty then. *takes another bite and walks off*  
  
The manager walks over to Selphie.  
  
Manager: Selphie, I saw what you just did.  
  
Selphie: *sweatdrop*  
  
Manager: Good job, you're catching on to the customs of our restaurant!! Keep at it!  
  
Selphie: :D Thanks!  
  
Manager: O.o Did that kid just run off without paying?  
  
Selphie: Dammit. ZELL!!!  
  
Manager: He's gone already... I'm taking 900 gil off your check to pay for it!  
  
Selphie: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Manager: O_o *runs off*  
  
Flashback ends.  
  
Selphie: Damn... Oh well.  
  
Selphie moves on. She eventually finds a store called "SELPHIE, WE ARE WATCHING YOU AND WE WANT YOU TO COME INTO THIS STORE. COME IN RIGHT NOW. BUY OUR CRAP. YOU'LL WIN THE COMPETITION IF YOU DO. CALL THIS STORE 'SWAWYAWWYTCITSCIRNBOCYWTCIYD' FOR SHORT."  
  
Selphie: Wow, that store has dignity!!! *walks into the SWAWYAWWYTCITSCIRNBOCYWTCIYD*  
  
Selphie looks around and picks up a small bottle.  
  
Selphie: Hmm... This looks like itching powder. Only it's liquid. O.o Ah, whatever.  
  
Selphie pays for the stuff and heads back to the Garden. Across the way, she sees a giant cat sitting in the middle of the street.  
  
Cat: HELLO SELPHIE.  
  
Selphie: Hi. *pets the cat*  
  
Cat: *bites Selphie's hand off and chews it*  
  
Selphie: AAAAAHHH!!!!  
  
Suddenly Selphie wakes up. She's in her dorm.  
  
Selphie: O.o So me going to the mall was all a dream...  
  
Selphie looks to the side and sees the liquid itching powder that she bought in her dream. Only it's labeled 'Arsenic'.  
  
Selphie: o.O Maybe I was sleep walking.  
  
And now, what really happened... Selphie is shown walking around in the mall, half-asleep. She walks over to a Dairy Queen and examines a guy standing in front of it. She thinks that he's a display of fireworks and moves on. She comes across a store called 'ARSENIC' and thinks that it's a store called 'SWAWYAWWYTCITSCIRNBOCYWTCIYD'. Selphie walks in, buys a bottle of arsenic, and leaves. O_o Moving on to Irvine...  
  
Irvine: *walking on the streets* So...tired... Been...walking...for...2...hours...straight... Must...find...food...  
  
Irvine comes across a shack with the word 'McDonald's' spraypainted on the side.  
  
Irvine: Oh, this is the McDonald's that Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis used to work at!! *walks in* Hi, I want a cheeseburger meal. Clerk: Sure. That's 350 gil.  
  
Irvine pays and walks outside. He tastes the food and spits it out immediately.  
  
Irvine: Ugh! This tastes like cow crap inside plastic with bird crap on top!  
  
Irvine is about to throw it out when he gets an idea.  
  
Irvine: Hmm... I know which prank I'll play!!  
  
Irvine heads back to Garden, which is unfortunately a 3 mile walk. Meanwhile with Zell and Seifer in Zell's dorm...  
  
Zell: Why are you here?  
  
Seifer: I dunno. I'm gonna leave now.  
  
Seifer walks out of the dorm.  
  
Zell: Now I can get to working on my prank... MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *pulls out a marker*  
  
And finally, with Quistis in some strange place.  
  
Quistis: Where the hell am I? All I did was fall asleep for a moment...  
  
Quistis is standing in front of a bar marked 'Tifa's Seventh Heaven'. She walks in.  
  
Tifa: Hi there! Are you here to get drunk?  
  
Quistis: Sure, why not? *grin*  
  
Tifa: TOO DAMN BAD!!!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Quistis: O.o  
  
Tifa: Er... Sorry.  
  
Quistis: But isn't this a bar?  
  
Tifa: Well, I did have some alcohol around here... But Yuffie stole it...  
  
Yuffie runs into the bar.  
  
Yuffie: *hic* Did shomeone shay my name?  
  
Tifa: AAAAAAARGH!!!!!!! GIVE ME BACK MY ALCOHOL!!!!  
  
Yuffie: *hic* Too late. *cheesy grin*  
  
Tifa: AAAAAARGH!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie starts running, but Quistis smacks her feet with Save the Queen and Yuffie trips.  
  
Tifa: Hey, thanks! Can I pay you back?  
  
Quistis: Hmm... I need some ammo and a revolver... *thinking* Wait, I can always kill Rinoa later... *stops thinking* No, can you just help me find a prank to play instead.  
  
Tifa: I have a great kit right here! *throws Quistis a smelly, taped-up box*  
  
Quistis: Thanks!!!  
  
Quistis somehow appears back at her dorm.  
  
Quistis: O.o Cool.  
  
Quistis opens the box and starts working on her prank.  
  
~*~  
  
Thanks for reading. Please review! 


	3. Quisty's 'Unfortunate Luck'

~*~  
  
CHAPTER III --  
  
First with Rinoa, in her dorm.  
  
Rinoa: *glue in fingers and hair* MWUAHAHAHA!!!!! I SHALL CREATE THE ULTIMATE PRANK!!!!  
  
Rinoa picks up a lump of clay, pours glue all over it, and paints it yellow.  
  
Rinoa: *grin*  
  
Meanwhile with Selphie...  
  
Selphie: MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I SHALL DOMINATE!!!!  
  
Cat: NO, YOU'LL JUST WIN THE COMPETITION.  
  
Selphie: O.o Get outta here, you scare me.  
  
Cat: OKAY. *disappears*  
  
Selphie: o.O Anyway, back to domination...  
  
Moving onto Irvine, on the streets...  
  
Irvine: Just...2...and...three...fourths...miles...to...get...back...to...Garden... *faints*  
  
On to Zell, who is writing something on his butt.  
  
Zell: *pulls up pants* Hee hee!!! Yay, I'm gonna win! *runs off*  
  
Finally, with Quistis back in her dorm.  
  
Quistis: *going through the box* This stuff kinda sucks... Oh well, I'll combine it to make the ultimate prank!!! MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Cat: WHY DO ALL THE WOMEN LAUGH LIKE THAT?  
  
Quistis: Hey, Selphie's the only one who's supposed to see you.  
  
Cat: OH, RIGHT. SORRY. *disappears*  
  
Quistis: O.o  
  
In Squall's dorm, a few hours later... The doorbell rings and Squall gets it. Rinoa is standing there.  
  
Rinoa: Hi!  
  
Squall: What do you want?  
  
Rinoa: I dunno... *runs in*  
  
Squall closes the door and is about to head back when the doorbell rings again. Selphie and Irvine are standing there. Well, actually, Irvine is drooling on the floor and trying to eat the carpet... O.o  
  
Selphie: Hey! I found Irvine sleeping on the street. So I pulled him in my car.  
  
Selphie drags Irvine in and Squall closes the door. He's about to go to the others, but stays to see if Zell, Quistis, or Seifer might come by. After a few minutes, they don't.  
  
Squall: Well, I guess they're not coming...  
  
Squall walks toward Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine when the doorbell rings.  
  
Squall: AAAAAARGH!!!! *kicks the door*  
  
The door flies open and no one is there.  
  
Squall: ...???  
  
Squall closes the door and heads back to the others.  
  
Squall: So, what do you all want?  
  
Rinoa: *shrugs*  
  
Selphie: *whispering to Rinoa* Where are the others?  
  
Rinoa: I dunno... But with them out of the picture and Irvine half-dead...  
  
Rinoa points to Irvine, who is lying by the heater, shuddering.  
  
Rinoa: The competition is between you and me.  
  
Squall sits down and starts reading 'Cid's Guide to @#$%ing'. Suddenly, Rinoa screams.  
  
Rinoa: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Rinoa points to the window, where Zell is standing outside. His butt, which is pressed against the glass, has the words 'HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, SQUALL' written on it.  
  
Squall: O___O  
  
Squall draws the shades down quickly.  
  
Selphie: Damn... He's gonna win.  
  
The sound of Zell falling off the Garden is heard. O.o Squall draws the shades up. Suddenly the doorbell rings. Squall sighs and opens the door to see Quistis.  
  
Quistis: *evil grin* Hello.  
  
Quistis walks in.  
  
Quistis: What happened to Irvine??  
  
Irvine: Ehh... *drool*  
  
Quistis: O.o *whacks Irvine on the head*  
  
Irvine: *fully conscious* Huh?? What happened... *notices Squall* Oh, I have a gift for you.  
  
Irvine pulls out a greasy bag and hands it to Squall.  
  
Irvine: I thought you might be hungry.  
  
Squall: O.o *puts the bag in the fridge* Thanks...  
  
Irvine: Aren't you gonna eat it?  
  
Squall: ...Maybe later.  
  
Rinoa: *thinking* I can't let Irvine win! *stops thinking* Here, I have something for you too!  
  
Rinoa pulls out her secret project, which is a shoe box with the words 'Action Figures' scrawled on the side.  
  
Squall: This is... YAY!!!!!!!  
  
Squall grabs the box.  
  
Selphie: Damn... Uh, I also have a gift.  
  
Squall: Oh, is it the Backstreet Boys collection of action figures? I've always wanted 'My-Groin-is-Pierced Nick Carter'! (A/N; Thanks again, Sora... How original... O.o)  
  
Selphie pulls out the bottle of arsenic.  
  
Squall: ...Oh. What is it?  
  
Selphie: Arsenic!  
  
Squall: O.o What does it do?  
  
Selphie: Uh... I don't really know. I think you drink it.  
  
Squall: Oh, alright... *sticks it in the fridge*  
  
Quistis: *thinking* Time for my prank... *pulls out a bottle of arsenic and a greasy bag with stale food inside* Here, Squall!!  
  
Squall: O.o I already have arsenic and food...  
  
Quistis: But... Mine's unique!  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Quistis: Take it!  
  
Squall: No.  
  
Quistis: Yes.  
  
Squall: No!  
  
Quistis: YES!  
  
Squall: NOOO!!!!!  
  
Quistis: *sigh* Fine... *thinking* Time for my SECRET prank.  
  
Quistis runs outside and pulls her skirt down. She sticks her butt against Squall's window. On it, it says 'HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, SQUALL'.  
  
Rinoa: Not again!!!  
  
Squall: O.o  
  
Squall pulls the shades down.  
  
Selphie: Well, I have to go now...  
  
Irvine: *drool* Meeee...tooooo......  
  
Rinoa: Yeah, me too.  
  
The three leave.  
  
Squall: I'm all alone... Oh well.  
  
Squall picks up 'Drag Queen Chris'.  
  
Squall: *imitating Chris's voice* Oh my, I'm one sexy bitch!!!  
  
Squall picks up 'Bisexual Justin'.  
  
Squall: *imitating Justin's voice* Wanna dance, sugar? *imitating Chris's voice* Do I?!  
  
Squall smushes the dolls together.  
  
Squall: *evil grin*  
  
Suddenly a crash is heard outside.  
  
Squall: Dammit! Quistis fell off the Garden just like Zell!!! But no one really cares about Zell. Now I have to go help her...  
  
Squall runs outside and sees Quistis on the ground in a contorted position.  
  
Quistis: Ow...  
  
Squall: Wait here!!  
  
Squall runs to his dorm. He pulls out the arsenic.  
  
Squall: Hmm... Well, I don't really know what this stuff is for, but let's try using it...  
  
Squall runs to Quistis and puts the arsenic on her arms.  
  
Quistis: It's cold and soothing... And it smells like cherries... O.o  
  
Squall: Maybe Selphie was right, you drink it.  
  
Quistis: *drinks some arsenic o.O* AAAAAAHHH!!! I'M GONNA DIIIIEEEE!!!!  
  
Squall: Um... Dammit!!  
  
Squall runs up to his dorm, pulls Irvine's greasy bag of food out, and runs back to Quistis.  
  
Squall: Here, eat this!!  
  
Squall stuffs a McChicken sandwich into Quistis's mouth.  
  
Quistis: This doesn't help... It tastes like cow crap!!! SQUALL, YOU MURDERER!!!  
  
Squall: Oh, shit. *runs away*  
  
Quistis: I'LL GET REVENGE!!!!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!!!! *faints*  
  
~*~  
  
Please review! ^^ 


	4. Quisty's Secret Project

Um, no one's reviewing. *glare* I don't like you people.  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER IV --  
  
Seifer is shown in some strange place. A Japanese woman walks up to him.  
  
Japanese woman: Seifer?  
  
Seifer: What?  
  
Japanese woman: SEIFER!!!! *glomps Seifer*  
  
Seifer: *sigh* Tokyo scares me...  
  
Meanwhile in Rinoa's dorm with Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine.  
  
Rinoa: What we did to Squall was mean...  
  
Selphie: But it was damn fun!  
  
Zell: Yep!  
  
Selphie: O.o Why are you here? I thought you fell off the Garden.  
  
Zell: I survived. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Irvine: *drooling by the heater* Foooooood...  
  
Selphie: *whispering to Rinoa* Rinoa, we're the only decent people here.  
  
Rinoa: We're with a dead guy and a... Well, we're with Irvine.  
  
Selphie: ... *stops whispering* AAAAAAAAAHH!!!!  
  
Onto Squall, who is packing a suitcase in his dorm.  
  
Squall: *sniff* I think I killed Quistis... Everyone's gonna be so pissed...  
  
Squall takes out a piece of paper, writes a note on it, and tapes it to the door. He walks out of the dorm with his suitcase. Meanwhile, with Quistis on the ground...  
  
Quistis: *sigh* Well, I guess I might as well give up... I can't win this competition...  
  
Quistis gets up.  
  
Quistis: O.o How'd I do that? My body parts are broken.  
  
A weird angel appears.  
  
Angel: Hiiiiiii Quiiiiiistis...  
  
Quistis: O_o  
  
Angel: I am Aeeeeeris...  
  
Quistis: Alrighty, what do you want?  
  
Aeris: I wanna heeeeelp you play a trick on your friiiiiends...  
  
Quistis: WOOHOO!!!  
  
Aeris: *evil laugh* They shall peeeeerish...  
  
Quistis: ... *slowly edges away*  
  
Back to Rinoa in her dorm.  
  
Rinoa: Do you think Squall realized that I gave him a FAKE set of action figures?  
  
Zell: Those were fake?!  
  
Rinoa: ^_^ I'm such a great sculptor!  
  
Selphie: Hey, how bout we all team up to play another trick on Squall?  
  
Irvine: Gaaahh... *drool*  
  
Selphie: Er... I think he's hungry.  
  
Rinoa pulls out a pack of powdery cake mix and a jar of instant coffee. She mixes it together, pours mayonnaise on top, and stuffs it all into Irvine's mouth. O.O  
  
Irvine: Thanksh, Rinoa, you're shuch a great cook!  
  
Rinoa: I'm multi-talented! :D  
  
Selphie: ... *edges away from Rinoa* Okay, what do we do about Squall?  
  
Rinoa: I have just the thing...  
  
Everyone huddles together as Rinoa reveals her plan. Meanwhile with Aeris and Quistis.  
  
Quistis: And... That's all?  
  
Aeris: Yeeeees...  
  
Quistis: That's a crappy prank.  
  
Aeris: Hoooow dare you...  
  
Quistis: o.O Well, I guess I'll head to Squall's now.  
  
Aeris: Alright, goooood luck...  
  
Quistis: Thaaaanks. Er... Thanks.  
  
Aeris disappears. Quistis heads to Squall's dorm. She doesn't see the note on the door and walks in. Squall isn't there.  
  
Quistis: Great, this is even better! All I have to do is quickly set up the hidden camera and wait! Then once Squall walks into the dorm, my prank will go into play and everything will be caught on tape... Then I'll send the video to Balamb's Funniest Home Videos and win 25,000 gil!!!  
  
Quistis sets up her hidden camera and prank and then leaves. Back to Rinoa's dorm...  
  
Rinoa: So, our prank is perfect... Let's go to Squall's dorm and set it up.  
  
Everyone takes some supplies and head to Squall's dorm.  
  
Rinoa: Hmm... What's this note?  
  
Rinoa picks up the note on the door and starts reading.  
  
Rinoa: Everyone; I'm sorry for killing Quistis. I'm not inside my dorm. I've left for Tokyo to start a new life there. You can all take everything that I left in my dorm. Love, Squall.  
  
Zell: That's so fake.  
  
Selphie: Yeah, all he wants is for us to walk into the dorm.  
  
Irvine: Then something will pop out at us.  
  
Rinoa: I don't think Squall would do that. He sucks at pranks.  
  
Zell: Well, yeah... Let's just all go in and take his porn!!  
  
Irvine: Yeah!!  
  
Rinoa opens the door. Everyone walks into the dorm at the same time...  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!  
  
Which is unfortunate because a bucket of water spills on their heads.  
  
Zell: Dammit! We never expected that!  
  
Selphie: Well, I guess we can just go now...  
  
Irvine: What about our prank?  
  
Rinoa: We were gonna spill a bucket of water on his head! But it appears that Squall isn't here. So probably he's in Tokyo...  
  
Selphie: Right. We should just overthrow the prank.  
  
Everyone leaves.  
  
~*~  
  
REVIEW DAMMIT!!!!! 


	5. Japanese Chicks in Hot Tubs?

Umm... No one's reading this fic... @_@ I might as well just post this last chapter. Enjoy!  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER V --  
  
Quistis is in her dorm.  
  
Quistis: Well, I bet Squall's back now... I better go retrieve my camera.  
  
Quistis heads to Squall's dorm. She walks in.  
  
Quistis: So... The water's on the floor and the camera has something. *grin*  
  
Quistis grabs her camera and runs to her dorm. Meanwhile in Tokyo, with Squall.  
  
Squall: Wow, Tokyo is huge...  
  
Squall suddenly notices a house marked 'Almasy'.  
  
Squall: O.o Seifer?  
  
Squall runs into the house. Seifer is there, sitting in a hot tub surrounded by 3 Japanese women.  
  
Seifer: Hi! Welcome to my house!  
  
Squall: O___O  
  
Seifer: These women all love me. Do you wanna join us?  
  
Squall: DO I?!?!?!  
  
Squall jumps into the hot tub, clothes still on.  
  
Seifer: Rinoa and Quistis will be pissed.  
  
Squall: Who gives a damn? *grin*  
  
Back at Rinoa's dorm.  
  
Rinoa: Hey guys, when we were at Squall's, there was a camera on the table...  
  
Selphie: Yeah?  
  
Rinoa: It said 'Quistis' on it!  
  
Zell: Quistis played that trick? And she isn't dead?  
  
Irvine: She probably caught everything on tape!  
  
Selphie: And she might send it to Balamb's Funniest Home Videos! We have to backfire her plans!  
  
Everyone starts to work on a secret project... On to Quistis, who is watching the camera footage.  
  
Quistis: Hmm... The door's opening... Huh? Why are Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine there? Hey, the water just spilled on them! Hee hee!! Who cares about Squall? I have to send this right away!!  
  
Quistis grabs the tape and drives to the Balamb's Funniest Home Videos HQ. A guy who sounds and looks a lot like Rinoa wearing a fake mustache is standing outside the entrance.  
  
Guy: Hello, are you submitting a tape?  
  
Quistis: Yep.  
  
Guy: Okay. *grabs the tape and runs off*  
  
Quistis: O.o  
  
A few hours later, Quistis is back at her dorm, watching tv. Balamb's Funniest Home Videos comes on.  
  
Quistis: Woohoo!!!  
  
A few home videos are shown. They all have the same people in them-- strangely enough, everyone in the tapes looks like Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine with fake mustaches. An hour later, they're about to announce the 25,000 gil winning tape.  
  
Announcer: And the winner is... 'Four Wet People' sent in by Quistis Trepe!!!  
  
Quistis: YES!!!! I WON!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile in Tokyo, in Seifer's house. Everyone is watching BFHV...  
  
Seifer: Hey, that's Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine!  
  
Squall: Hee hee!  
  
Back to Quistis.  
  
Quistis: YATTA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Suddenly, Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine come out from behind the couch.  
  
Rinoa: Happy April Fool's Day! This was all a joke!  
  
Quistis: ...What?!  
  
Rinoa: *grin*  
  
Quistis: AAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
A few hours later, after Quistis has beaten the crap out of her friends...  
  
Rinoa: Well, I guess we should go to Tokyo and find Squall.  
  
Everyone heads to Tokyo.  
  
Quistis: O.o That house says 'Almasy' on it...  
  
Selphie: Let's go in.  
  
Everyone walks in and sees Seifer, Squall, and the Japanese women in the hot tub.  
  
Quistis: So that's where Seifer was in this fic... YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa and Quistis tackle Squall and Seifer. Almost everyone is now in the hot tub, wet.  
  
Irvine: *grin* This is awesome. Look at all those wet chicks.  
  
Zell: Those Japanese women aren't women...  
  
Irvine: ...  
  
Zell walks over to the hot tub and pulls off the masks off the Japanese women's faces. They come off, revealing that the women are really Laguna, Kiros, and Ward.  
  
Squall: ...!!!!!! Dad?!  
  
Laguna: What?  
  
Squall: I TOUCHED YOUR NAKED BUTT!!!!!!  
  
Seifer: AND I FRENCHED KIROS AND WARD!!!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: *grin* Serves them right.  
  
Quistis: Yep! April Fool's Day is so fun.  
  
Selphie: O.o I'm just wondering why Laguna, Kiros, and Ward were in Tokyo dressed as women...  
  
Laguna: Cause we were spying on Squall and Seifer and decided to play a prank on them!!! *grin*  
  
Selphie: =D April Fool's Day rules.  
  
~*~  
  
The fic's complete! Please review~! 


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